The Adoption of Golgafrinchan Royalty
by IDalB
Summary: An innocent bystander to the return of Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent's return to the present, Thomas, takes an improbable sofa ride to the past. His assumed nap at a cricket game will result in a much more interesting escapade than he had intended.


Chapter One

An incredibly lost seagull flew over the forest. It was so concentrated on finding the sea that it did not stop to listen to the horrible screeching and whining and sputtering that was taking place 300 feet below it. It was, in fact, so focused that it did not even stop to drop a leaf into the bagpiper's case- a decision it would reflect on after eating a snail on the shore and feeling slightly bad about it, the bagpiper was much less squealy horrible screeching and whining and sputtering than it had been two months ago, at least.

Just a short way from the bagpiper was the captain of the B-ark, the ship of foolish Golgafrinchans that landed on prehistoric earth so that the rest of their population could live out peaceful lives, who considered the bagpiper intensely. He looked forward to the noise stopping. Around him gathered a large group of security guards, hair stylists, accountants, TV producers and insurance salesmen.

The captain was taking a bath in the middle of a clearing, as he always was. He enjoyed baths.

"Alright, chaps. I'd like to call to order the..." He dug around in his bathtub and pulled out a rock from the bottom. "Eight-hundred first committee meeting." The crowd around him applauded.

"OK, OK quiet." Interjected the meeting organizer. "Now let's see what's first on our list. Ah, yes- has the fire development sub-committee a report to give us?"

The captain would have much rather been listening to the bagpiper than hear the meeting organizer, who was far too serious for his taste. He liked the old one much more.

"Um.. we did manage to figure what our consumers want from fire, but now we need to develop the excitement it needs before release, so we have established a sub-sub-subcommittee for advertising fire, and instructed them to start carving 'fire' into the nearby trees." The crowd applauded. Everyone was impressed by the scheme and were very excited for the release of fire. After the applause stopped, they applauded themselves again for helping push along the economy.

"Yes, that's.. lovely. Now what's next? Ah, the wheel committee. What do you have to report?" The organizer continued hastily. He would not be doing this at all if it were not for the pile of leaves and rocks he got for doing it.

"We have determined that square wheels do not work. The wheel store over by that tree is now selling triangular wheels which are the next craze, and should make all your leaf-hauling much easier." Even more applause met the wheel committee members statement. The audience loved the idea of becoming even more wealthy even more easily.

Thirty-seven committee meetings ago the currency-committee decided that, after the adoption of the leaf as being their legal tender, the inflation problem could be dealt with more easily than burning down the forests by simply ignoring it and allowing everyone to be extremely wealthy except for two people who represent the lower class and middle class. When this change was announced there was much applause.

Nearby a very befuddled cricket spectator was having a wonderful dream on his sofa. In his dream he had been watching a game of cricket, watched a sofa with two people on it appear in the middle of the green, and then watched robots attack all the spectators at the game. At this point he decided to sit on the couch, and then found himself in the middle of the forest watching a group of Golgafrinchans having a committee meeting. Thomas was his name. Thomas did not realize in the slightest the staggeringly low odds of what had just happened to him. Thomas did not realize that he was not dreaming. Thomas did not remember that he left the kettle on the stove.

"Now, lads, where will I be if we don't find a hot spring soon? I've been bathing in cold water for months. Number two- an update, if you please?"

"No, Sir. No spring yet."

"Figures.."

The committee meeting could just be heard over the jabbering birds. Thomas had been trying to overhear the meeting going on, but could only hear pieces. He decided that, sense he was dreaming, he would go down to find out what was happening. After all, what is the point of having a remarkably lucid dream if you cannot enjoy it to its fullest?

Standing up from the couch he stumbled through the underbrush toward the clearing.

"No! It ruddy well is worth looking for a spring longer, number two. Now... Well hello there, chap! Who are you?"

_How strange _thought Thomas. _Of all the things my dream could have had in it, it chose a man sitting in a stone tub with a rubber duck? _And that he was.

"What do you mean, who am I? I'm the one dreamin' you up after all, I should be asking that to you!" Thomas waved his finger in the direction of the captain triumphantly before looking at it and putting it down.

The captain stared at Thomas blankly and squeaked his duck. The Golgafrinchans stood by, decided they did not know what response the situation demanded, then applauded.

"What exactly do you mean by dreaming us up?" inquired the meeting organizer over the clapping. _Good question_ the audience thought.

"Well I'm just sleeping at a cricket match now, and you guys are all part of a fun little dream I'm having about sofas."

The meeting organizer was not satisfied with this answer. This inquisitive mind of his was the main reason the captain did not care for him. He would never just "relax, old chap. It's just food, nobody really needs that." or "ease up, they'll figure out this wheel thing soon enough, good fellow."

"What did you say your name was again?" The meeting organizer asked.

The wind guested and the boughs over the clearing swayed and creaked, much to the disgust of their occupant birds who thought that this weather was outrageous for the number of leaves it cost them to stay here, and would really like their landlords to make it stop. The wind blew aside the limbs in the canopy allowing for a small stream of light to enter, which coincidentally landed directly on Thomas who decided it was a sign from his dream.

"I'm Th... King Thomas." He replied. After a short pause he continued "and I've been sent here from, err.. From the planet cricket to rule over you!" If he was dreaming this all up, he might as well have fun with it he concluded.


End file.
